i find myself daydreaming a lot lately. i know this is something that most people my age do, but the daydreams have shifted in theme. it used to be about big houses, fancy cars, amazing vacations, and a model wife that all my friends envy over. in some sense of the word, my daydreams have matured. maybe this is par for the course of moving out of my adolescence and into my young adulthood. the daydreams now consist of who i want to be as opposed to what i want to have. i want to be someone who reads cnn.com on a regular basis. someone who cares more about what is going on in other peoples' lives instead of my own. someone who has a glimmer of insight on what is important, and sharing that insight with those i love. i have a deep desire to be someone who lives on means and doesn't exceed them. i want to take all of my poor qualities; laziness, failure to finish something i start, selfish desires, and put back some positive energy into the atmosphere. i want to create something beautiful and be proud. the irony is that these daydreams stop me from doing these things. i sit and think about these things but fail to act. i never start, but there is something deep inside all these ambitions that are starting to bubble on the surface.
i think about my brother. someone who applies his ambition, to be selfless, to his daily life. i want that. there's really nothing stopping me except for myself. i catch myself saying things in my head like; "i'll start tomorrow" or, "you have plenty of time to change your habits". application of ambition is harder than i think it is. they say the first step is the hardest part, but i can't determine the first step. i have the desire, but my willingness to act is severely lacking. stick to one day at a time is what my dad would tell me, but i like to look at the big picture rather than the baby steps that would get me to my final destination. can someone who applies their ambition to their life tell me how to apply?
i'm scared of failing, so i quit before i start, but my change in daydreams is leaving me optimistic about my call for action. acting on positive actions is much more nobel than acting for self gain.
I'm definitely not the best person to ask about this but I feel you man. I have the same problem except sometimes I can't even keep my own identity. I'm constantly procrastinating by thinking of possible hypothetical situations that would explain why things are the way they are. The reality is, no one is really responsible for anything. The collective universe determines all the events that will shape your life, so all you can do is adopt the best mindset you have and slowly work towards applying it as best you can. But don't worry about it not working, everyone is different so it will of course take lots of time for anyone to fundamentally change like that as a person. Wanting to change is the first step, if you want it bad enough it will fall into place.
ReplyDelete